Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Alone in a Strange World

Last night was my first night alone here. It didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped. I feel completely safe inside my home. But even in Arizona, I get a little uneasy when I go through the house before bed double checking the doors. In Chile, when you check the doors and windows, you doubt their ability to protect you when you can feel the flood of cold air coming in from all the gaps around the door. It makes it seem as though it's just leaning there - not really "sealed up tight". Nobody can get in. We're locked up tight, but for some reason, those locks didn't seem like enough. And the house, it was sooo dark last night. Sometimes, with the clouds and/or smog, the lights from the city bounce back down on us and it seems like daytime outside. Last night, it was clear skies - and dark...

I always struggle to sleep the first night when the hubs leaves on a trip. Always. By the second night, I sleep like a baby sideways across the bed - with his pillow. Then upon his return, I again don't sleep so well, because I have to readjust to him being there. It's a roller coaster ride that I've been on for our entire marriage. Last year, when he was gone 80% of the time (side note: he says 80%, I say 90%) I got in such a habit of sleeping alone, that I struggled every night that he was home. I would wake up several times. He'd roll over, and it would wake me up. But he was only ever home for 3-4 days at a time and then he'd be gone again for a chunk of time.

To be fair, it was just as hard on him. Probably harder. The man can sleep anywhere. Good thing, because on those trips, he'd usually be in a different hotel every night. When he'd come home, I would often scare the living daylights out of him. I would reach over and touch him and he'd jump through the roof. He was so used to being alone, that having someone in the bed with him startled him in the dead of sleep. It would take him a minute to wake up enough to realize where he was and that it was ok that for me to be there. I'm lucky I didn't get punched. I tried to stay on my side at night. :)

Right now he's worried about me. I wanted to go to the 'big' Lider (grocery store) and he asked me not to. He wanted me to take both kids and only go to the little one. "It's safer." He had me text him when I left home, when I arrived at the store, when we left the store and again when we got home. He wanted a play-by-play of how things went. Sweet man. I'm ok. Really. He said that if he were in town, he wouldn't care, but being out of the country - he wants me to stay close to home. Keep in mind, the 'big' Lider is only like 3 minutes further away than the little one. But, in his defense, you do have to cross a bridge near a large community of homeless people. I am not sure if you would really call them homeless, they have built structures for themselves in a little 'lean-to city'. I believe that these are the street performers that we see at the stoplights in the evenings.

In the end, we stayed closer to home and I took both kids with me (they weren't thrilled). We got to the store and home safe and sound. We went through our nightly routines and headed to bed. At 5am this morning when I got up - it felt like I didn't sleep at all.

Oh well, this is his first trip. We'll get a flow soon.

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